Introduction: Who am I and what's The Authentic Gay Man about?

Coach Maddox: 0:30

You're listening to the introductory episode of the authentic gay man podcast. So, what I'm going to do today is I'm going to tell you a little bit about my story, what the podcast is about what to expect. And first off, I'm going to introduce you to a very close friend of mine, Ed Salamanca, it has been gracious enough to come onto the podcast in today's episode as a co host. Now,

Ed Salamanca: 1:55

Thank you, Maddox. Yeah, absolutely. You're welcome. I'm glad to have you got to share the moment with you. Well, how did it start? It was about two, three years ago,

Coach Maddox: 2:08

probably the fall of 2018.

Ed Salamanca: 2:11

Yeah, three years ago, almost for? Well, basically, it turns out that one of my friends invited me to an event. And he said, Hey, there's a friend of mine hosting an event, I think you'll enjoy what he you know, the community. So check it out. I said, Sure. Send me an email. And when I got the email, the header was the authentic gay man. And I immediately wanted in, I wanted to,

Coach Maddox: 3:28

Yes, I can recall the first time that night and when I met you, there was definitely an energetic connection. I knew right away that I wanted to know you to give the listeners a little bit of backstory, because this was 2018. I already had this whole authentic gay man thing in my mind, but I wasn't sure what I what it was going to look like at the time I was hosting monthly events

Ed Salamanca: 5:12

Yeah, we It seems like every time we have, you know approached a new subject. We went deep and we had a lot of interest across many areas. It was health and happiness. And just just Having a wonderful like social life, and talking about all sorts of subjects getting vulnerable, challenging each other in different ways, of course with time, but for the very beginning, I think

Coach Maddox: 5:39

Yeah, I think so too, it's been pretty amazing. I would say that you are one of my closest, closest and trusted friends and confidants now, and so blessed to have you in my life. A little bit about me, I'm going to tell you a little bit of my story, that is what's driving this whole, authentic gay man thing. So and I'm gonna laser it though, as a child, and many of you I'm sure life as a gay man, not hardly really having lots of acquaintances, but no close friends. I didn't let anybody get close to me. It was not safe. And through therapy, and coaching and personal growth in my own journey, I began to have a realization of this maybe about three or four years ago, three years ago, actually, after I started this whole authentic caveman thing. And I realized that I had made And so So, now I have a group of, of quality gay men around me, I have some that are local, that I see regularly face to face. And then I have some that are virtual, that I see periodically face to face, but more of our time is spent virtual. But at any rate, I no longer feel so unsafe, I feel much safer now. And I'm I'm able to create relationships with men, gay men in particular, and it's

Ed Salamanca: 12:21

Informatics, if I can jump in quickly, please. You know, I was hoping you would share a little bit about, you know, the, like, your background, as far as trying to find answers to these these questions. You know, this is kind of like the latest thing that you've been working on. But like you said, it's been it's been a, you know, some time that you've been working on self development

Coach Maddox: 13:13

You know, it was all by complete accident course, I don't really believe in any accidents. But it certainly appeared that way. In 1985, I was with my first serious relationship. And he had a friend that I never actually met in real life, we would call and we would talk on the phone, he lived far away. And he called us one day, and he was talking and he said, I just done the most it, I have done it. If you are familiar with the, the self improvement world landmark forum, I have done landmark forum, there's just a variety of things that I've done over that now 36 year period of time. And I wouldn't trade that journey, it's been difficult at times, it's been really difficult at times, but I wouldn't trade it for anything, I have a life now that I celebrate every day, and I

Ed Salamanca: 16:26

You know, and that's one of the things that I want to start sharing, because I also have an interest in self development. You know, I haven't done it for as long as the time. But when I started, you know, sharing what I've done and what you've done, that it was an instant, you know, interest and like, you know, I'd like to run by challenges that I'm going through with you. Because into the right people. And so maybe now's a good time to talk a little bit about the the podcast and what you're looking to do with it. And you know, what's, yeah, why is this something that you want to spread?

Coach Maddox: 18:49

I would say that just because of my journey, and the story that I just shared with you, this is just really near and dear to my heart. I feel an insane amount of passion about this. I, I want to create, I guess maybe the number one goal of the podcast is to create a safe space for gay men to come on as guests, and talk about what they're going through. Because if you're going through even know until here about three or four years ago, that I had walled myself off from every gay man that I ever met. It's crazy, but it's time for us to start having these conversations, to dismantle the fortress, to look at how we can actually create intimacy and have it feel safe. Which leads into Yeah, and already said, you know, a safe place but yes, the podcast is about a safe place for men

Ed Salamanca: 22:18

Yeah, that was my next question. You know, you why authentic? You know, it's what it's what you're you're calling the podcast, it's what you the word resonated with me, it resonated with you may resonate with some people may put some people off. But I'm just curious, what what is it about authentic, that is part of your message.

Coach Maddox: 22:40

You know, that it's, it's, although it's named the authentic gay man, vulnerability is definitely an aspect of it. And I think that those two while they are two different things, authenticity and vulnerability are two different things. I think they are first cousins. And they there's an overlap there, they go together like peanut butter and jelly. And I have discovered in and goals, is connected to our ability to be vulnerable. And so maybe you're asking, Well, I don't understand what's the connection Well, when we get vulnerable, people just want to come and sit next to us. It draws people to us like a moth to flame. And it draws very specific people to us. And it's usually the people that we want to draw to us. And when we draw those people to us, they will bend

Ed Salamanca: 26:41

Yeah, you know, that's part of the conversation we've been having, you know, you've, you've encouraged me to to be a lot more vulnerable. You know, I have a business background. And I think that helped me a bit with my my willingness to take risks. But just because you're willing to do something doesn't mean you're always know, you know, you're not aware to do it. And you you know,

Coach Maddox: 27:44

no, I think you're you're spot on, you know, and and to be real honest, hardly a day goes by that somebody doesn't say to me, Oh, my God, I, I love your ability to be vulnerable. Like, I literally get compliments on my ability to show up vulnerably I get anything from oh my god, how do you do that? I can't do that. I want to do it, I see the value in it. But I can't do that. How do

Ed Salamanca: 28:56

You know, I've witnessed that as well. And what I realized is, you know, when when we witness that and someone else you're giving every the people who witness it a permission to do the same. It's, it's okay. Yes, you know, like, like, sup for some reason, you know, we at school or media or you know, whatever toxic masculinity, there is a sort of like, oh, no, that can't happen. And

Coach Maddox: 29:59

you You have touched on something that's beautiful and and that is vulnerability is a polarizer. When we get vulnerable, it does one of two things. It either sends the other person that we've just demonstrated vulnerability in front of screaming and running in the opposite direction. Or it makes them want to come and sit right next to us. Now, I learned a long time ago that I don't

Ed Salamanca: 31:29

So it sounds like what you're saying is, like, you know, some some gay men. I mean, it's true of anybody really, but you know, with the audience in mind, some gay man may not want to be in that space vulnerable, authentic. Because there might be some discomfort, usually, usually, from what I've been reading is, you know, there's discomfort or there's pain around those emotions. And

Coach Maddox: 32:20

please?

Ed Salamanca: 32:25

Yeah, it is, I've experienced the the polarizing effect, the filtering effect that you're you're mentioning, it's like a shortcut. It's like, you know, hey, this is new person in my life. And, you know, people sometimes when you first meet them, there might be like, everyone's kind of like putting a mask and being friendly and being nice and being cordial. But if you want to find

Coach Maddox: 33:52

They all go hand in hand, I it's going to be very difficult to achieve intimacy without some authenticity and vulnerability. And you're right. Most people when you say the word intimate, they immediately think of what we call it, intimate apparel, you know, we think of the bedroom and sex and there is a sexual intimacy, but it's only a small portion of what intimacy truly is about.

Ed Salamanca: 35:37

And if you go ahead,

Coach Maddox: 35:40

you will you spoke about why would somebody want to become a authentic gay man. And I'm going to use a metaphor, I'm going to talk about food. And I'm going to talk about, you know, junk calories. You know, you can go someplace, and you can go to a, like a sports bar and just eat garbage at the sports bar, empty calories, no real nourishment. Or you can go to a restaurant that serves

Ed Salamanca: 37:55

Yeah, yeah. And I have I you know, I've experienced your your lightheartedness and your comedy, and it's great. So you're on both both sides of the ball shallow and at the deep end.

Coach Maddox: 38:10

Yes. And my challenge sometimes, and it will be my challenge in hosting this podcast is to bring that lighter hearted, playful part of myself to the table, because when I get into these deeper conversations, I get kind of serious. And so this is going to be my challenge is to bring some of that playful quality, it's definitely in there.

Ed Salamanca: 38:34

So it sounds like you know, it, you know, like us, like, you know, we have an interest in being vulnerable and being authentic, we understand the benefits of intimacy. You know, we've had get togethers with our friends. And it's really a magical moment. You know, I've expressed to you many times that when we get together, I feel like I've gone to it's like a spiritual spiritual

Coach Maddox: 40:43

Well, and I love the way you worded leaving an interaction where you feel lifted up, you know, where you really feel lifted. And, you know, the sad thing about it is there are people out there that have never experienced that. They, they may have fun, they may go out with a group of friends. And when it's all over, they feel like they had fun. But I've done a lot of stuff in my life, mask on. And if we admit that we're lonely, we equate lonely and isolated with loser, which is a huge mistake. You don't have to be a loser to be lonely and isolated. Anybody can be lonely and isolated. And truth be told, there's not a lot of people that really know how to create deep and meaningful friendships. There's a process to it. There's an it's a science, it's an art. And it's not

Ed Salamanca: 44:01

It's easy to blame, you know, technology. But you know, technology is a tool.

Coach Maddox: 44:09

It is. It's our use. It's our misuse of the technology. It's not the technology itself.

Ed Salamanca: 44:15

Yeah. And I think we've had conversations about those were, the way that most technology is used doesn't really help, authenticity and vulnerability. But it doesn't mean that with the right hands, it could serve that same purpose as well, you know, but it's being very intentional. And like, my goal here is to be authentic and vulnerable. How do I use technology to create space for

Coach Maddox: 44:50

know? Absolutely. It's like when we talk about money and finances, you know, money's been given a bad rap. It's the root of all evil. Money is not the root of all evil. Money is an inanimate object. It's what we do with money. It's the energy that we surround money with. And that comes from us not from the money. You know, I want to circle back for a minute. Because we talked we loincloth, or it's some outrageous outfit, or you're dancing on the tables, you're getting, you know, nasty, drunk or whatever. It's external stuff being seen and being heard is more of an internal process. I mean, you're still, there's still an external aspect of it, but it's being seen and being heard as an aspect of authenticity and vulnerability. You know, it's, it's saying, speaking your

Ed Salamanca: 48:26

Yeah, great point. Great point. definitely agree. Was anything else you'd want to add that axon? On the authentic a man podcast Are you trying to do?

Coach Maddox: 48:41

You know, I want to inspire gay men to really, really look at their relationships with other gay men. I find oftentimes, it's easier for us to have solid relationships with straight people in our lives than it is with our own brothers. And I want us to unpack that over a period of how ever many episodes it takes to do that. I want that to be an ongoing conversation. The authentic

Ed Salamanca: 50:03

And one of the things that you shared with me that I thought was really neat is the what you're planning on doing as the format for the podcast and correct me where I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are opening space on the podcast for gay men to have a conversation with you. To practice to, to explore these topics, can you share a little bit about that?

Coach Maddox: 50:34

Yes. And to demonstrate for the other listeners, you know, yes, there will be an element of when you come on as a guest, you really get to put to dive into the deep end a little bit if you if you choose to, to really check out what it feels like in a very safe place to demonstrate a little bit of vulnerability. My intention is not not that I won't ever bring on a guest celebrity or an authentic conversation can sound like something while it's we're going to be doing the exact same thing feels like something we actually want to participate in. It vibrates at a higher vibration. And some of you know what that means. And some of you don't. If you don't, you know, ask somebody around you, somebody can answer that for you. If not send me an email and I'll answer it for you. But

Ed Salamanca: 54:06

I think that's the that's what's happening physically when we say lift it up.

Coach Maddox: 54:11

Exactly. Exactly. So have I left anything out?

Ed Salamanca: 54:18

I know I think it's I'm pretty clear. I think the listeners probably have a good idea of what what's coming down. Yeah, I think that's a that's a good summary. I think.

Coach Maddox: 54:34

Well, I want to close then and first of all saying thank you so much for CO hosting this episode with me and being just the wonderful friend that you are. And I will close in inviting you the listener to lean in and join us in becoming an authentic gay man.