Coach Maddox  0:03  
Hello, Serger Shepard, and welcome to The Authentic Gay Man Podcast. It's good to have you here. What? What part of the world are you in? 

Serg Shepard  0:13  
Hey, currently I'm in New York City. 

Coach Maddox  0:17  
Awesome. And where do you hail from originally? 

Serg Shepard  0:21  
I came from Ukraine around seven years ago. Thank you so much.

Coach Maddox  0:32  
I would love to know how it is that you define authentic gay man. What does that mean to you?

Serg Shepard  0:41  
I think in in, in resin days, gay men can be anybody. There is no single description of the gay men, particularly because everybody's very different. And I met so many different guys in a world that can fit different categories. And it's probably person who can consider himself as a gay man he know confidently about his sexuality cookies, but it's not about how you look like or what he doesn't live.

Coach Maddox  1:16  
eautiful anything else you'd like to add? No, no? Okay. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get down to business. We're here to hear your story. So as I ask each guest what you know, here, what we're here to talk about today is what has been life's biggest challenge that you have had to go through or are continuing to go through.

Serg Shepard  1:37  
I think the biggest challenge for me, and for many people probably as well is, since you grow up, you always reconsider yourself, Is that the right thing to do? Like is a particular profession are different, like courage for Samsung is the right thing to do and be happy with this? Because we try differences, different professions, we think about? Am I happy in the right moment? Is it something that I want to do in the future? And it took me a long, long time to be happy with what I do. To get comfortable with my decisions, my professions? And don't second question yourself every single moment. So it's, it's been a journey to get there. Awesome. Well,

Coach Maddox  2:27  
I that's what we're here to talk about the journey. So let's start at the beginning, tell me a little bit about where you started. And, you know, what it was like, and what it was about it that didn't work that, you know, motivated you to keep looking for that one thing that or at least something that you really felt like you connected with and was your thing.

Serg Shepard  2:49  
I mean, I always thought about myself as a creative person. So I always wanting to do something more related to the stage or to like public to have a viewer in general. So I used to dance a long time they can Ukraine. So try different things, try acting try like musical instruments, or, and try to push myself in that. Like, progression. So I started working in a cupboard club, I was working in Druckman show, the backup dancer, I was working with a dancing crew. And it was around a period of time and it was like in high school in college. So start making some money back then, then like my life, little push me in a way that I made my first partner and I moved from my hometown Hargrave to get okay. So in western living was my partner I kind of money instead of being with somebody you always question yourself again, is like, your profession is the right thing to do that is going to contribute to your family to like yo, in general, because being a dancer wasn't very much money anyway. So I started like looking for the jobs and I started working like regular jobs, less creative. Which I was okay with, but it wasn't it wasn't something that would make me happy in general. And it took a while. Like, I didn't dance, I didn't do anything stage production work. The assumption is that was just doing like regular job doing two jobs in my partner live in a life family.

Coach Maddox  4:32  
And when you say regular job, what are you talking about?

Serg Shepard  4:36  
I was working, I start working on the sales and a windshield I was working as a Boutique Manager, like the Italian particular iser. And it was more I guess it was more of the customer surveys and that was created Parliament like I always need to make sure that the main like the look of of the shoppers looking like presentable and beautiful. also need to be creative about that part. But, like hire people is also creative part. They also look for like, good people and trying to talk them best.

Coach Maddox  5:10  
So there were some aspects of it that

Serg Shepard  5:13  
I always I was, you can always find something best of it. In any job. I think, like no matter what you do, you can always find the best part of it and be happy about that. But sometimes it's not enough.

Coach Maddox  5:26  
Yeah, I think those are words of wisdom. You know, sometimes when we don't have a choice, we need to find like you say something about it, that makes us happy. But, you know, most of the time we do have a choice. And that's when the it wasn't enough came in, right? Yes, yes. Yeah.

Serg Shepard  5:47  
But in Ukraine, it was different. Because in Ukraine, there was no that many opportunities to be creative. I mean, there's a lot of opportunity, and of course, and if you push yourself harder, you can do it. But if you push yourself harder from childhood, you probably can have more opportunities to be like, a ballet dancer, as a performer. It just doesn't pay that much money to you back and you need to make some living. That's why you can pause the jobs.

Coach Maddox  6:15  
And when there's progress in the story, when was it that you decided to come to the state?

Serg Shepard  6:22  
So it happened oh, very unexpectedly, because I met a guy after he was separate with my ex partner. I met a guy online. It wasn't Grindr. He just text me and telling me, like, that's my job, etc. And it was, I told him, I can't do it. Because I didn't have candy at work. And after work, or like, 11pm, I text him like, Okay, if you have some free time, let's grab a snack or drink or something. Because like I'm available. And he did. And he did not he actually like stood up somebody to see me. And we've met, we had a really good conversation, great connection. He asked me to come to this place. And I like the good girl say, No, I can't. I played it like a very innocent part. Which are not usually not. But it was his last day. So he was very pistol, and it is pushing him to come back to see me personally just for me. So he came back to see me again and a couple times again. So we went to Mexico. And then like all of a sudden, it's all happened very fast. We applied for Fiancee Visa, and it was approved and like yo latest since we met first time I moved to stage and we got married. So it was like, very fast forward.

Coach Maddox  7:47  
Yeah. Wow. And are you two together today?

Serg Shepard  7:51  
Have you been married four and a half years? It didn't work out? Well. It's okay.

Coach Maddox  7:57  
It didn't work out. Well. So it came out what 232 and a half years ago, maybe?

Serg Shepard  8:03  
I don't know. We've been married four and a half years. Oh, I learned to stay current? Yeah, yes. Because we already like divorced. I moved to states like seven years ago, six and a half years ago.

Coach Maddox  8:19  
But he's not in the picture any longer.

Serg Shepard  8:22  
No, no, no. Okay. All right, at least a year and a half or two years already. Okay.

Coach Maddox  8:29  
Well, you know, that finding that thing that you wanted to do? How did moving to the United States play a role in that.

Serg Shepard  8:36  
So in it also was like a little journey, because when I moved to states, I started, like, I did some nude photography back in Ukraine as well. It looks for some artists. But then I start reaching out to some photographers in Ukraine in New York, and start doing like nude photo shoes, mother country sickbay. And I've done a lot of new body modeling for drawing artists around the city. So it kind of opened door for me to more connections as I've made a lot of people as models, other photographers, other artists and kind of was in that community, which was really, really cool. And I was really happy. How about a lot of positivity, and a lot of nice people interested in artists. So after a while, I met friend of mine, Cooper's con model, my best friends, we should all stick with the photographer who I modeled for him like I know that there are 70 times already. And after a while, he kind of pushed me to get camera in my hands so that what happened to me as a photographer is that take him into his photo shoots as a backup, like behind the scenes photographer. And like after few I start doing my first polishers and also getting models and incredibly awesome. And that was like one of my first passions that I still pull along with. I just grow and grow bigger, which makes me really happy to do. And through this direction, I started making a lot of like, modules who also in adult entertainment, like porn actors, as actors. So, like, after a while meeting them, or like making friendships with them, I start considering to maybe I should, like, do my own defense or something, because like everybody is doing it. And seems like it sounds really cool and interesting. And, and I did do some videos for photographers and videographers, but not for my own fans, but for like, photographer or another model, which was fun, always been fun. And I just sent like, nude more erotic, explicit polishes, which was also like popping up in like, my barriers, and like being more open with myself because nobody seen myself or a perspective of the video, not just product cover. So after a while, like a couple friends of mine that I went with in Puerto Rico, like we did some videos together and they say, Oh, you must just open all the time, like users videos. And I Okay, let me do it. So I started, I started doing my own defense, open my profile. And like, while I also noticed, like people in industry already progress not only fast, very, very fast, like I start like doing great creators who have been in industry for a long time. So it's subs give me a big following back. Very fast. Yeah, that's how my adult industry started in my life.

Coach Maddox  12:01  
So in other words, people who run those companies that do that they found you through your bans only page

Serg Shepard  12:12  
as yes and no. So it's like it was directions. First to their workplace was wrestling mail. And what happened I was reaching out to the General producer and director at and about all like, I really loved your work. And it was more like fetishize wrestling, kinky stuff, which was very beautiful, very, like, from perspective of artistic way of not just like directly to sex because like actually fighting and storytelling so it was more a picture like a feature. So I reached out to him we've been talking a lot about my like interest what I like to do like color with a restaurant. I don't feel like that would obviously but I always want to try and try to something so he invited me to his studio shoot in Florida. Even so he based in Paris. So like sometimes he comes to states and film there because a lot of guys there. So I came to Florida give me around five seconds to fill around like four or five days. And it was very, very cool experience. Luckily, I was working with guys always like Kibera and there was a guys who have been more professional. And they've done electric professional wrestlers. And it definitely was very easy. They just choreography me into the fight. And they're like, usually bigger guys. So like, it was always whatever they do. I just I almost been just like a prop which was very funny, but it worked very perfectly. Wow. So

and it was really cool shirt. Like, I mean some big names and like everything was very different from other this was I think the first thing I did was

trying to remember the guy's name. Rex was Eric's and they Scenic. She was nominated for Grammys, Europe Awards, the best do and the best scene. It was more like about fighting and then a lot of like kinky stuff more like balls slapping, punching, but it was all done not full power. So it literally full power on the video, but it's now but it was a lot of fun.

Coach Maddox  14:48  
So I kind of want to hear a little bit about the internal journey with this. I think that we all probably wonder what What the life of a porn star is like, what? What you went through emotionally and mentally to be able to put yourself out there in a manner knowing that the whole world could see you naked or see you having sex? And how I'm always curious is How has that worked with family? You know, how did your How did you deal with your family members either knowing or being out that you were a porn star? And how did you navigate that? Were they accepting where they I'd like to hear that like the in that internal process of what you went through in here to get to the place where you could take your clothes off in front of cameras, and have sex with other men. Knowing that everybody no matter, it's kind of like being a star paparazzi everywhere you go, people are going to recognize you as the porn star. I'd love to hear more about how that all what that's all like

Serg Shepard  16:01  
for you. So, I think the good part of my journey is that I started not directly into porn industry. Because sometimes I know a lot of people who like start doing from like, just all of a sudden start doing only fancy video porn, and they don't feel comfortable. So they like pulled out right away. The progression from being nude model, and doing nude photography, more. Like I was trying to be artistic and then doing erotic photography, then doing videos and then start doing porn only. It gives me like, slowly opened up myself, I've grown into it, because like, long time ago, I didn't think I would do porn. Like when I was doing nude modeling, like I always say is doing videos. Today, I feel myself comfortable with seeing myself naked on a video rather than on the camera. So it took a while just to open myself based and being comfortable. Mentally and physically. And like stunt enjoying lowering my body. loving seeing myself having sex and the camera. It took a long time. Like I was like my friends, my parents, I was always like very open with my friends. So it's never bothered me. It really never bothered me what people will think about me. So like, just whatever. And if somebody say something bad to do, um I don't think it's bad or like, I think it's like any sex job on sex work is a is a work that will be respectable, because it's been done for many, many 1000s of years. Yes. So there's nothing wrong with this and people who judge as they just don't, it's the same people who watch a newborn. So like, it's very, yeah.

Coach Maddox  17:59  
Yes, it's a paradox. You know, it's like the people that are doing it, they're judging it all at the same time. It's

Serg Shepard  18:06  
very Hippocratic. Yeah. And

Coach Maddox  18:11  
I know that in in the like, male dancer like strippers. It's a fairly common thing for that, too, is for many men to be related also to sex work. I don't know enough about the porn industry. Is there an element of that where you talked about the progression from the nude modeling to and then you finally got to the stages of porn? Have there been times when you've been presented with opportunities to do sex work?

Serg Shepard  18:45  
Yeah, I've been a lot of times I've been but I always like say no, because like, I didn't feel myself ready. It wasn't like something that was against it. It's just like, I didn't feel that I'm comfortable with being myself that often. And it's not, I don't think it's easy for everybody. Just be in that comfortable level with yourself and just to present yourself, to expose yourself to everybody else.

Coach Maddox  19:10  
I would think that would be very challenging. You know, the percentages are really high, especially in our community of body dysmorphia. And like that, when you were at the beginning stage of that putting yourself out there where you were going to be seen naked and seen having sex. What was the the thing that was like you had to get over what was the thing that was really hard about that, that it took time to progress through? Was it discomfort with parts of your body or what what was the hard part?

Serg Shepard  19:49  
It's very much about that. Like he seems like being I was I didn't feel myself like I always was looking. I know like I look good, right? Just like, whenever you look at yourself, you always see some like, worst parts of your body or something like this, you're always trying to find something that's not looking right. And you've been like, our in your head was a is our person in it and trying to like, make it better in your life or something. But yeah, nobody else seen it. Actually, we just found a part of it. Nobody was seeing, but just you, because everybody's seen you. Like, they find you beautiful, attractive. But it's not like, we always have our talent trying to find some things in ours, we always analyze, we analyze other people too. But we, it's even worse with us as ourselves when we analyze ourselves. So it's, I think, what helped me like being mortal. Like what I like, when the reason why I like being nude on camera, it kind of opened me up more and more, and make me feel comfortable with myself. So this way, I feel much happier APR progression. Would you

Coach Maddox  21:06  
say? I can see where there would be an element of this as you went and progress through this? It played a role in you just generally being more comfortable in your own skin? Would you say? Yes,

Serg Shepard  21:19  
like in in just regular life? Yeah.

Coach Maddox  21:23  
Yes, it would play out into every aspect of your life, not just behind the camera. Yeah, when you can be comfortable enough to get naked and have sex in front of a camera for the whole world to see. Where do you go from there? You know, it gives you more

Serg Shepard  21:39  
confidence. It gives you more like energy. Like, just to be out there

Coach Maddox  21:44  
was this feeling of if I could do that I can do just about anything? I think that's what I mean. I'm speculation on my part, but

Serg Shepard  21:52  
the power when you can walk into the room full of people and just be naked. And like, don't give a fuck about anybody think about you. Like it's, it gives you a lot of strength. I bet

Coach Maddox  22:07  
I never really thought of it like that.

Serg Shepard  22:09  
That it would?

Coach Maddox  22:13  
Well, it would take an insane amount of confidence. Yeah. And actually bravery to do that. And competence in bravery begets confidence and bravery.

Serg Shepard  22:27  
It's also kind of right away gives you so much attention. And you can be like, overwhelmed with it, in many ways. Because everybody's staring at you if you only want a naked person or whatever, because no matter what.

Coach Maddox  22:42  
So when you're away from that scene, and you're out in red everyday life, but people recognize you, of course, especially in our community, people recognize you they know right away. Oh, yeah, I've seen him in that Bourne movie. How do you navigate the way people treat you? Because is it different? Do they? Do they treat you the way they would have treated you if you weren't a porn star? Or do you find that people treat you differently?

Serg Shepard  23:13  
It can go anyway because some people can be really nice and we like loving and caring when they come to you like being very careful asking questions, saying that they really love what I do. They're trying to make selfish etc. So it's been sometimes very rare like like the fan base, which is can grow and it's always fun, but there are always some people who like to new the pork. Yeah, they can be like start nicely, but then they can kind of very objectifying you. Like, grab your HOA trying to be like very sexualized around you because they think you're your porn star. That's what you do for work. That's how you support real Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is sometimes very awkward and can be very very nasty. Just put you in a very bad position.

Coach Maddox  24:06  
Do you ever have anybody that just puts you up on this pedestal you know, which is a dangerous place to be but where they're just kind of treating you like you're you know the God or something?

Serg Shepard  24:19  
Oh yes, it happened thoroughly some bands or some people around you I think in any industry which has like the following who will do something like this to you like I kind of people who just try and almost like worship you like, like text you every day or trying to reach out to you in many ways or trying to give you some presents, games etc. and a thank you as the most like the best person in the world, which which is very interesting. From perspective is like I don't know why I People try and always find some like, idolize somebody else. Well especially can be love, but love. I don't think love was like that.

Coach Maddox  25:11  
No, I don't either, you know session, I think it's got to be obsession because they don't even really know you, you know, all they know is what they've seen on the screen. And and they're idolizing you for the way you look, they're idolizing you for your ability to, you know, have sex. Make it really hot and steamy? Is there any aspect of it where you get tired of all that? Is there an aspect where you just wish people would treat you just like everybody else?

Serg Shepard  25:51  
I mean, so far, I don't have that huge following of people. I have like, I have followers. But no, so far. It's fine. It's good. I don't I'm not beyond sea level yet. So I can survive. I don't need

Coach Maddox  26:08  
level yet. Yeah. Where you don't have a life at all. That doesn't include people following you all the time.

Serg Shepard  26:13  
Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that for some people, it can be a nightmare.

Coach Maddox  26:18  
But what is something that you we talked a little bit about, you know, that that place of confidence that you come to being comfortable in your own skin? What is something that has come about in your life, as a result of that confidence that many wouldn't have manifested, if you hadn't had the progression that you've had and found that place of confidence and comfort in your own skin? What kind of doors has that, that just competent, being comfortable in your skin opened for you?

Serg Shepard  26:53  
Like it did give me a lot of opportunities like CT, like, I did try other professions as well. I've been sales leadership in a magazine, I've been doing a lot of different kinds of events. Like meeting people, I learned a lot about how to socialize and just being not feeling awkward and like being a group of people no matter what, like, status they are. So it's kind of gives you freedom.

Coach Maddox  27:24  
I can see that it's normalized things in some degree. And you have it's caused you to develop keen

Serg Shepard  27:37  
people skills, social skills, social skills. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, doesn't make me feel less it feels less awkward. Especially like being in a wedding in a different environment. Where I grew up is like being in different city meeting, especially in in New York. There's so many different cultures and people who come there from all over the world. And like, you don't think anymore about language by yours. You don't think anymore about religion? Just yeah.

Coach Maddox  28:13  
Yeah, it's opened up a whole different world for you. Which I'm sure a few people ever consider that or think about that. That's well make things story most interesting is

Serg Shepard  28:24  
that I think about people, no matter who they are, what kind of jobs they do, or how they look like. Again, after all, like under all this outfits, and they just like if people just say all the same. Yeah. Yeah,

Coach Maddox  28:42  
you know, I've always said you know, you what, you want to get really, really real get naked in a hot tub with a bunch of people. It's hard to hide. It's hard to armor up. It's hard to hide. It's hard to put the social masks on when you're sitting in front of people naked. Yes. And everybody's equally the same. They're equally the same. Absolutely. So how did your your parents respond when you tell them you were doing what you're doing? Well, my

Serg Shepard  29:10  
parents kind of doesn't know yet. So far. I know he doesn't know that they do work. They do know that. I do. I've done like modeling and nude modeling because they've seen it like I don't hide it anywhere on social media. Like my posit for my Facebook, my mother used to for my Instagram, and like your friends follow me on instagram so I don't really hide it people can see what I do. I was like leads and ever seen. We never talked about it. We never talked about like adult industry etc. has never been my mother came to me and challenged me about what they do. Like a couple times we had conversation about my Instagram. She when she very politely asked me like if it's she asked me politely if it's a crucial for my Instagram, because like there's a lot of like explicit pictures She don't feel comfortable to see. And I understand because you may have other. So I say, Yeah, sure. That's it. She never told me Don't do it. Chanel told me like, oh, there's something very bad like will be multiple people say, she just asked me to the sheets can shall follow me, which was nice.

Coach Maddox  30:17  
Which was incredibly nice. Like you had a real conversation. You know, I think sometimes we end up in a room where there's a big elephant in the middle of the room that nobody's talking about, you know, yes. I think it's brilliant that she just, she didn't have any comment yea or nay I don't dislike it, I don't like it. I'm just a little uncomfortable seeing those and permission she asked permission, should definitely have

Serg Shepard  30:44  
opinions about it. But she, like, feel done. She didn't want to share about them opinions, because she like for her. Like, she know where I am, like, where I live, that I have a good life I've been taken care of. And I said, Fine, I can help family, I can do other things. And then being happy is as the most important part of who I was. And also doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what kind of job I do, or like car making. It's not that important.

Coach Maddox  31:12  
She's an unusual human being a beautiful human being to just be able to love you and accept you for exactly who you are, and not have any judgments about what you're doing. I you know, that's an immense gift. I talk to men every day who don't even remotely have what you are getting from your mom, I hope you know how fortunate you are, you know, we had it, we don't really know what it's like to not have it. But I guess I had a very accepting mom is well, but we are the exception, not the rule. Most most gay men that I speak to have gone through hell with either one or both of their parents. It's never been a good thing. And for your mom to just, it's like she's not endorsing it, but she's just neutral. She's just okay.

Serg Shepard  32:15  
It's also to cure a moment. Because long time ago, when I was like I was 17 years old. There was a first time I tried to came out as a gay person. And she didn't took it about him too badly. But she was extremely upset. And she was like crying. She was breaking out. She say like, she was also a religious woman. So she thought about like, maybe I need help or something. And so I felt so like, kind of destroyed by this, that she was so so upset that I took my power back and say like, well, I'll change I'll be fine out. I'll be straight. So I took my words back, basically. And it took me maybe like, almost a I know, so many years later to come up again with this conversation to her. So it's yeah, it's been a moment. And I think she was very upset about more about my future. Once you know how I'm gonna make it was being engaged cetera. And that was like, and I guess after a while, like was the second time when I we had a conversation was already when I was already living in New York. And actually, like, being married. So that was much easier. Because she, she seemed like, oh, I can actually have a good life and be happy.

Coach Maddox  33:46  
You know, I think parents immediately go to that place. I can remind saying we're just so afraid you're going to have an unhappy life. And that's that's a reasonable concern. Because when you look around at the GBT que community there is a great deal of unhappiness. There is a great deal of in, in places where they they're, they're not really happy, they're going to put on a social mask and try to make it all look good. If you know if you're very wise at all you can you can feel the misery the pain in

Serg Shepard  34:21  
them, especially like in a very, very conservative countries around the world or like, Midwest America. Like people actually trying to Yeah, they can be gay, kinda. At the same time. Everyday you have judgment on yourself. You're always concerned about how like, we're going to lock in a shoulder one day or like, say something to you. So you're always trying to choose language, how to talk about anything. It's, it's, it's just leaving the stress and the stress all the time.

Coach Maddox  34:51  
I can only imagine. Wow. Yeah, that would be a totally different ballgame from you know, I came out 40 Three years ago, so I came out in a time when it was not socially acceptable even here in this country even a little bit. The first time I've ever went to a gay bar, I had to drapes down a dark alley, knock on a door that was, you know, no, no signage, and they peeked out the door to see who it was before they would let me in. It was all very, very hidden.

Serg Shepard  35:28  
In Ukraine, I also like I was fired once just people find out, I'm gay, just fire me, they find out the reason. Because it came out in public. And then like, it's always, like some moments, I remember, like when I called roommate in key have, we always like exchanged information about like, if I have some date with somebody, I give him the phone number, have a personal phone, go into an address. Because if whatever happens, if I'm not like care by next day or something, he'll try to hire me. Because we have integrated we've had a lot of like, gay hunting, those are people who go on a pot farm and cetera, and hunting days. And guys being killed on guys being in like, torture, etc. Wishes and you ate. I guess when you live in that environment, you still want to meet people still want to have sex? So you're still doing it, you still put yourself on a risk. But you never know what can happen any other day?

Coach Maddox  36:28  
No, you never know. I mean, we don't have anything. Well, not that there haven't been incidences that Jeffrey Dahmer would be a good you know, example of that, but they're fewer and far between here. And now, you know, of course, I live in a major metropolitan city, I'm in Dallas, Texas, but I don't ever feel threatened. I don't ever have anybody say anything negative to me your act. And I'm, I'm pretty open about my, my status. My partner and I were everywhere we go, we hold hands. I everywhere we go. I don't, you know, a place where I'm comfortable in my own skin. And I don't care what people think. Now, if I were in a area of town where I thought I might, you know, could be injured or or killed. You know, I might not do that. But for the most part. I live my life. I suspect the way I would live it if I had been straight ahead of female in my life. I think the only way we're ever going to have the rights that we want is to take them nobody's going to hand it to us. No, yes.

Serg Shepard  37:41  
Take those rights. That's true. Like it took me it was a long time took me when I moved to the States to be uncomfortable with my ex husband to actually hold hands and being like, comfortable in a public place like bikecad it always been repressed. Like, I couldn't hold his hand in New York, because I still have this fear.

Coach Maddox  38:05  
About what what people think that makes perfect sense.

Serg Shepard  38:09  
And he was always like, as an American, he was always like, acting like, like, feeling good about it. And like being like, a question like, questioning me all the time. Like why? Like, why don't I do just didn't feel comfortable? He just didn't understand. They didn't understand it. You couldn't get it? Yeah, that's a

Coach Maddox  38:31  
shame. That's why he's your ex, right? Yes. Well, I would love to know what what, what is the best part of everything that you're saying you've taken a road that few people take, you know, with the modeling and with the porn acting and the things, what is been the best part of all that the thing that you love the most?

Serg Shepard  38:55  
I think the best part, like I would say can be for anybody that. Like it's always the best when you do what you love to do. Like when you feel like there's nothing in your life that makes you unhappy. Like, like, I prefer to all like since a while I prefer all like my jobs or my interests always been above it would make me too happy about and being opened myself. So yeah,

Coach Maddox  39:28  
I think you're spot is like,

Serg Shepard  39:31  
I don't know how to describe it to us.

Coach Maddox  39:33  
I myself have been very blessed to always do something that I love. Yeah, do what you love to do. It's a it's a totally different life. You know, my life I've worked with Pete so many people that didn't love their life, didn't love their work, didn't love their life. And I don't understand how that works to be realized. I would have either done everything in my power to make change, or I would have wanted to leave the planet.

Serg Shepard  40:07  
And it's very often some people like questioning and say like, yeah, like, it's a good job. But like, did you ever consider to do this video? Consider like, is this all better for you? So as drive to sometimes give their opinion, and you start questioning yourself, of course, they're like, oh, yeah, this that, like self government job, maybe like, trying to look cool for me like it's more. But then all I always back to my head and saying that no, actually, like, you really enjoy what you do. Just continue to grow progress, make it better, if you want to make it better in the future. But yeah, why would you start doing something that you never?

Coach Maddox  40:47  
What what do you see? For the time when it comes where you perhaps age out of the industry? mean, for all of us? There's any industry, there's a point where we age out, and it's different for each industry? And I don't know what in what he would age out in the porn industry, but and it would be an individual thing, some would edge out earlier than others. It depends on how we age. But what do you see for yourself when the time comes where it's just not feasible? To do that anymore? Well, I'm very

Serg Shepard  41:19  
realistic about it. I know, like, eventually, like, it's right now God is all about those. I mean, I can always I can always progress on being like sexy lady in the future. Who knows. But it depends in the party, if I will still be enjoying like being comfortable. Who knows. But I myself, because I'm also allowed holding camera, and hence, I would love to be a videographer and progress being a producer, or doing my production shoots up. So personally, currently, in a moment, I've seen myself in the future started doing this from both perspectives as a model and as a videographer as a producer as director.

Coach Maddox  42:02  
It's now a transition and at some point, perhaps an exit strategy. Yes. And of

Serg Shepard  42:07  
course, all user experience right now I'm having is going to help me in

Coach Maddox  42:11  
the future as well. I agree. I agree.

Serg Shepard  42:15  
Not what I also do, currently, I'll learn from people who have worked with cell or prokaryote. Media, there is everything they do how they do. Also, they actually, they invest in in me, the future cameraman like to work with from both sides together. So they taught me some things. And they only hired me a few times says, like, whenever I was not on camera, I was beside the camera, behind the camera. So I'm not sure which was really like it was more work and opportunity. It was hard. But it was very exciting to do.

Coach Maddox  42:56  
You know, one of the things that you've said today that is really stuck with me. And I hope that the listeners really get this, you said you know, work is work. It doesn't matter what we do, you know, work as a sex worker, or they're all legitimate jobs where we perform a service, or perform a duty, we get compensated for that. I hope that today's conversation opens minds where people can take some of the judgment away from remove some of the judgment about the conversation about nude models, or porn stars or sex workers and realize that it's, it's a legitimate profession. And

Serg Shepard  43:48  
it's a shame that people Yeah, you know, it's a big shame that people judge. I mean, it's been always in the world. And like, we always look, look down to some people who do like some service jobs or other jobs. But like with other service jobs, or like, an porn industry, I don't think the world will like, we wouldn't be able to manage everything like we need, or everybody needs people on different kinds of jobs working around us, because we're respectful to each other.

Coach Maddox  44:17  
Exactly. I've always said, I don't really want to ride the back of a garbage truck. But I'm so grateful for the people that are willing to ride the back.

Serg Shepard  44:27  
And it's our job. It's extremely hard job.

Coach Maddox  44:32  
Yes, as is your job. I'm sure it's not all glamorous, like everybody seems to think it is so you can get sick, tired? Well, yes, it's probably

Serg Shepard  44:41  
it's all about how you manage your body because it's a lot of work on your body as well. Oh, and Hell's virus is it's a lot to make sure everything's functional.

Coach Maddox  44:52  
I think that oftentimes man may think, Wow, you get to have lots of sex, but when you're doing it on screen It's, it's,

Serg Shepard  45:01  
it's work. I'm still getting sometimes as funny, weird questions from some fans in Instagram or Twitter. They seem like, they asked me questions about oh, like, you're doing this like, like, do you like? Well, they thing, like the asking question, what is a camera man also get hard or is? Like, I mean, it's very, very basic stupid questions which make you feel like, why? Like, why do you think this way? What makes you think that this?

Coach Maddox  45:35  
You know, they're curious and I think that's what's so great about you openly talking about it. They're just really curious if we haven't been there we don't know what's what's it like, you know, I mean, I'm like thinking I'm thinking probably it's not really like sex, you're not on camera to enjoy yourself, it's a job, you know,

Serg Shepard  45:55  
is definitely exciting. And it's definitely very sexual exciting as well. And like if you're in a good environment, and then good group of people who work with a great partner, it's everything, just a pleasant experience. Sometimes it can be just job can be really sharp, you never know who your partner is. Sometimes you never know who like, what the day is who, like everybody has most everybody has something ahead going on. And sometimes you just need to make it work. Well,

Coach Maddox  46:25  
and I'm sure there's times when you're performing with somebody that you aren't remotely attracted to. And that would be challenging, I would think, to play that role. And, and because in the movie, you got to act like you're really hot for them. And if you're not in real life, that's where the acting comes in.

Serg Shepard  46:45  
But also recreating, like, don't forget, we're always creating the fantasy with creating to make it look even better than real sex, to make it look like in real sex when there were like mourning or like yelling, or like shouting that loud. And that many times now it's not that crazy. We don't get all those like 120 positions, like switching them up and cetera, et cetera. Now it's much easier. Yes. And every time when you work in camera, you need to make sure like, you're facing a shot like you're at, you're in a good position, angle. So look, you can open up so your mark will look great, or they can look great. Everything out there. Nothing being hidden. So you need to be thinking about this all the time by

Coach Maddox  47:31  
shooting, there's a million ads running through your mind.

Serg Shepard  47:34  
And they need to be diseased and that is bad. So it's all it is a job.

Coach Maddox  47:40  
Sounds like incredibly hard work.

Serg Shepard  47:42  
No need to stay huddled all day at lunchtime. Yeah.

Coach Maddox  47:45  
Yes. Wow. Wow. Well, well, what a great story. I've really enjoyed having you unpack this. For us. I I've learned a lot. And it's opened my mind. So so thank you for that I never really had had much thoughts about foreign actors one way or the other. I've always wondered, wow, how do you? How do you take all the judgment? How do you deal with your family? That was my two biggest like, ooh, that seems like that would be really challenging. But you have definitely opened my mind. And I hope you've opened the listeners mind as well.

Serg Shepard  48:21  
Thank you so much. Thank you. I'm glad thank you

Coach Maddox  48:23  
for telling the story. Is there any last words of wisdom that you'd like to share with anybody? If they're considering getting into one of the fields like, nude modeling porn or even sex working? Is there any words of wisdom that you have learned that you think would be of value to them?

Serg Shepard  48:43  
I think always look for the best. Like if you had sometimes not a good experience in your life in any industry, like, don't think it's the rest of it like that, like always trying to, there's always good people. So always work with good people around you. Surround yourself was a good like, circle. Because when you feel comfortable in a place where you are at your job, or any industry and and you like what you do, that's that's heaven. That's what he's gonna make the pipe in your life.

Coach Maddox  49:17  
Wow. Those are truly words of wisdom. Search. Thank you so much. Are you ready for some rapid fire questions? Yeah, sure. Now, the way these work is, you know, oftentimes, I'm interviewing you and I don't really know anything about you. So I just intuitively have a very long list of questions. And I just go intuitively and pick three questions. So we'll see how close how good my intuition is today. Question number one, if you only had moments to live what would be your greatest regret?

Serg Shepard  49:57  
Oh well I'm very, very forgiving person also for myself, so I don't think I like I tried to live with no regrets. Just I don't feel like I have any regrets. Any any life experience, no matter how good how bad it was. It's lesson for us. That's how we like otherwise, if you won't get burned, even if you have little moments to live, we won't learn anything. Like what's the point of your life if you didn't learn a beautiful answer?

Coach Maddox  50:31  
So the way to live without regret is not that you didn't have things that happened in your life. It's about knowing that those things served a purpose.

Serg Shepard  50:42  
Yeah, it definitely had some like, stories and problems, and we did some bad decisions. But you only grow from it. Like, hopefully you grow from it.

Coach Maddox  50:54  
And it it has been part of your journey that has made you the vampire right now. Well, you are beautiful. Okay, when was the last time you got really real and cried in front of another gay man

Serg Shepard  51:14  
I usually the only place I usually cry is always a movie theater. Because like, I don't know, I just I'm very emotional and seeing something very beautiful. And it was, but about personal. Personally. Oh, you see in front of as a gay man right?

Coach Maddox  51:36  
In front of another gay man. Because I think that's from for a lot of us. That's the heart we can we can cry in front of our mothers, maybe even our dad, we can cry in front of our straight friends. But to cry in front of another gay man were you know, they were kind of armored up a lot of the time.

Serg Shepard  51:54  
So I do have a lot of my best friend. Like radical Australian, who, sometimes we go deep with conversations, and we very much sometimes talk about our childhood, childhood trauma, childhood stories. So like our life experience. I mean, it keeps keep also he's, he's currently 74. So he has a long life. Humans have so many traumas. So sharing this experience with him and talking about something that you're really, and I feel this can vary very often all the time. It can get very, very emotional. And I can actually I wish everybody have at least one friend in your life, where you can openly cry about everything out. And because it's just a big release from

Coach Maddox  52:40  
that, and I agree with you completely. I am very blessed to have more than

Serg Shepard  52:43  
200 friends. Yeah, this better but yeah, at least what

Coach Maddox  52:48  
are my eyes out in front of it? Yep. Okay, final question. What has been the most joyful part of being a gay man for you?

Serg Shepard  53:02  
That's a big questions. Very good question.

Well, being a gay man trying to think about how it's different from being any other man just oh, we just humans. I think being game I was like, is also different from the strapping because the repression of elites through and like having a moment in our lives, like realizing that we do have freedom to express yourself no matter how, like, I think also being gaming means Yeah, leave without boundaries, with boundaries, but live without any concerns about what people think about you. I've always been a fighter. So like, there's some moments when you like, being in a big crowd of people, okay, people especially like during Pride, miles or something. And, like, looking down and seeing so many people just being happy enjoy themselves dancing around. Dress, how was it want to dress? Lucozade want to loop? Yeah. It's kind of gives you hope for best world. Possible.

Coach Maddox  54:29  
Beautiful.

Serg Shepard  54:30  
It's very joyful.

Coach Maddox  54:31  
Beautiful. I love that. Search. Thank you so much.

Serg Shepard  54:37  
Thank you so so much. This has been a very deep deep

Coach Maddox  54:42  
Hi, I thank you for your willingness to go deep and share. I've really enjoyed this and I know the listeners are Teva.

Serg Shepard  54:49  
Thank you so much. appreciated. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing

Transcribed by https://otter.ai