Coach Maddox  0:03  
Hello, Grant Miller and welcome to The Authentic Gay Man Podcast.

Grant Miller  0:09  
Hello, Maddox. And it feels great to be back again.

Coach Maddox  0:12  
I again, yes, it's good to see so so you guys added listener land. This is grants. Third time to be on the podcast, he did an episode a solo episode where he talked about, you know, the challenges that he's gone through in this lifetime. And then he was on one of the group calls where we don't even remember what we discussed. But he was on one of those, which was awesome. And now he's back, but for a totally different reason. Today, he's coming in today as kind of the I don't know, I guess, in some way, an expert, not so much talking about the big challenge, but talking about some decisions he's making about his life as it pertains to the aging process and being faced with potential retirement. So, Grant, tell us a little bit more about specifically the aspects of aging and retirement that you want to talk about today.

Grant Miller  1:13  
Okay, well, I'm going to set it up, Maddox. And, as, as you and I know, we often have very deep conversations when we get in contact, because I live in one place, and you live in the other. And when you and I get together on Zoom, we share. And the last time that you and I were discussing, there was a lot of talk about how I was going to progress from a working person to someone who's retired. And you just stopped me and said, you know, this is a good conversation for the podcast. And so I said, Okay, when I'm ready, let's do it and set up the time. And we'll talk about it because I think there's so much in the change and how I've reframed my outlook towards what retirement is and what I used to find important as a younger gay man. And as a working person to going to someone who's retired and reframing from it's not necessarily a loss to stop working, but what am I going to gain? And how is my life going to change in ways that I never had the opportunity to do because of work? So I'm trying to look at everything in the sense of the glass is half full, not half empty, because there's been things that have wanted to pull me back in my life, even as I'm trying to retire. And I'm asking myself, okay, the old way of looking at his, well, this sucks big time. Versus Okay, well, how can I turn this around and make it something positive for myself. And that's what I'm going through the process. So I mean, we could sit here for the next four hours, and talk about all the things that I'm doing in progress to get retired. But sometimes they get stuck in the old way of, well, I look at it, the old grant would say, oh, there's not much you can do about that. All is lost, I'm just gonna give up, I'm gonna throw in the towel. But now the new me, the one that you just mentioned, before we started the broadcast was that I'm reframing everything. And I'm starting to find new ways to reframe. It gives me a new outlook. And so I'm thinking about things like, how my body is changing as an older gay man. I'm thinking about some of the injuries that I've had in the past year or two, that have affected some of the things that I like to do. The idea that I'm going from a full time teacher to substitute for a while and then going to full retirement, and what am I going to do with that big hole? And I think a lot of people go through that fear of well, once you've retired, what do you do? I mean, my father drove my mother crazy. When he retired, he retired so suddenly, and then he was in the house all the time. And mother just went absolutely crazy. And so I looked at that as well. I don't live with anyone, I'm single. So it's going to be more an issue of what is it that I want my life as a retire? And, for me, I think it's all the time that I've spent getting to where I am, I never really had a plan as to what's really important to me. I mean, if you were to listen back to some of my other podcasts with you, I talked about narcissistic relationships and how they controlled me so much that I didn't know who I was that I had to deal with HIV all my life and my life was sick pictured as survival mode for so many years. And now, as I'm now 60, and I'll soon be 61 In the end of December, my life has changed. I'm looking back at teaching for 30 years where I thought way back then, I was only going to teach one year and then die of HIV. Right? And here I am. 30 years later, I'm still teaching and I'm looking You had all these things that how did I get to where I am now?

Coach Maddox  5:02  
Still teaching and still living but not surviving anymore?

Grant Miller  5:06  
I'm not thriving, no,

Coach Maddox  5:09  
no not surviving. And you're not surviving anymore.

Grant Miller  5:16  
Right? Okay. Yes, I see I'm so conditioned to say the word thriving instead of surviving now that I often automatically go to that. I'm not in survival mode anymore. I'm in the living mode. And I mean, I'm no expert on getting older. This is this is all new to me. But for me, what makes it different is looking at the positive aspects of it rather than, Oh, I'm getting old. And the day that I stopped to exist is coming closer all the time. And rather focusing on that is, I spent most of my life surviving. Now I've got the opportunity to live. And that's where the excitement comes in is because all of a sudden, this big world opens up to me about the things that I can do that I never thought possible. When I was younger,

Coach Maddox  6:04  
endless opportunities.

Grant Miller  6:05  
Yes, yes. And so when I think of things, and I was going to share, for example, two years ago, I've shared that I'm a weightlifter and weightlifting has always been a big part of my life. I tore my pectoral muscle, the right pectoral muscle separated from the sternum. And so when I lift my arm up, my pectoral muscle moves over towards my shoulder. And it prevents me from doing a lot of weightlifting. And I've gone from 225 pounds down to about 190. I've lost a lot of chest size, and all the stuff all those things that the old Grant said, were the keys to being happy in my future life. Have the big chest and the muscles to attract the man. be attractive, do the things that I always did as a younger man. And that's going on. And so there's that temptation to say, well, there goes the weightlifting. There goes the possibility of meeting a man, there goes the possibility, you know, and it just is endless. And I can make excuse after excuse about why that's going to prevent me from being happy in my retirement.

Coach Maddox  7:15  
I have a question for you, Grant. Yes. A man that is interested in you because of your muscles? Is that the kind of man you want?

Grant Miller  7:27  
The old me would have said yes. That there was no possible way a person could love me if I weren't a big muscular man. I mean, that is I even I never really even believed when people would say, Grant, You're a handsome man, I always, or whatever, you know. And I could never figure out what it was that they found attractive with me, I just automatic as soon as that I had a chest that stuck out to here, right. And now it doesn't. But people are still attracted to me. So to answer your question, I think is that I'm starting to look inside, about who the person I am. And more than likely, that's what the person would be attracted to. Not. Yes.

Coach Maddox  8:03  
Yes. I hope you guys are listening to this. Yes. You know, as you have i We've known each other for like four or five years now. And I have literally watched you transition from being so focused on your body and thinking that was all that you brought to the table, to now turning into this just wonderfully vulnerable, authentic man, that who, who wouldn't want to just come and sit right next to you. You're a beautiful man, and it has zero to do with your chest.

Grant Miller  8:43  
And, and the new me knows that Maddox and I have to say, thank you for holding that space for me. The old me would have not accepted that. No, it is so true. The old me never really accepted that there was anything other than what was on the outside. And that's the part that has really changed. I'm not looking at my retirement as something that I'm losing. It's something that I'm gaining. And it's an opportunity for me to do something different. The pressure to have that massive chest, the being arms is no longer there. Well guess what? That frees up a lot of time, because I used to go to the gym every day, 567 times a week. Now I go to the gym, for a gentle workout that's a little bit more appropriate for my age doesn't affect my arthritis that I have my shoulders now and in my knees and coming to accept the fact that I'm 60 and I have to slow down I have to do something that's age appropriate, but still find satisfaction in it.

Coach Maddox  9:44  
You know, I'm so glad that you devoted your age I was going to ask you to because you made the reference, you know to being an aging or an older gay man. And in our community. We all know that there's a whole set of our group our populace one out there that if you're 38 to 42, you're considered an older gay man. So it's super relative, depending on who you're talking to, you know, I just, when I see a guy that's 35 years old, wearing a daddy t shirt, I just want a bitch slap him, you know, it's like, Oh, my God, you know. So I'm glad you put a reference in there. So people kind of know exactly, more specifically, what you're, you're talking about. You know, I kind of wish that we would just make retirement obsolete, I wish that we would just retire retirement, because it's such a misunderstood term. And it has such negative connotations for some people and such positive connotations for other people. And, you know, while I, I said, I retired from the beauty industry that I was in for 40 years, I did not retire from life, and I did not retire from the workforce. It looks very different now. But I've got more projects on and work harder now than I did when I was running my salon.

Grant Miller  11:12  
And so it's not like one passion just disappeared. There's nothing afterwards. I mean, for you, I mean, I've watched you, in the four years that I've known how you've moved forward, you've you know, we we met in an online group, we did some work there, you move to your podcast, and then you've got all these other things that are starting to happen in your life, you have a beautiful new partner, and things are opening up for you. So rather than looking at your retirement as well, something's gone. It's given me more opportunity to explore more. And for the first time in my life, that's what I'm doing. And now I'm starting to look at what are the possibilities. And when I start thinking about them, I get incredibly excited. And that idea of well, there's going to be a big hole in my life. I mean, I've talked for 30 years, and it's been a big part of my life. It was one of the things that was always there when I was suffering from things when the cancer, the breakups, the torn ligament in my Achilles heel, it goes on and on those sorts of things. prevented me from looking what comes forward and what needs to change as a result of that. I wanted to go back to the the daddy thing, because when you mentioned that, I don't know about you, but being a single gay man, I get called Daddy a lot. And leaning towards that, sometimes I like it, and sometimes they don't. But I don't know about other people. But I think I'd rather have a partner that's closer my own age. I mean, yeah, it's fun to have a 35 year old man saying, Hey, Daddy, you want to get together, but don't necessarily see it as a relationship. And so that has been another barrier for me is the relationship the number one object that I have for my retirement? And I'm gonna just flat out say, No, it's not like, I'm not looking for a relationship. It's, I'm developing the relationship with myself. I've got all those things that I never did in my earlier life, and now I have the opportunity to do them. And it feels like, I'm now a younger person that's experiencing life all over again. And that's, and that's the exciting part. I mean, I'm not gonna be like, my dad dragged my mother crazy. I mean, he didn't know what to do with himself. I do. I'm going to continue being an author. I've got one book published. As of right now I've got the second in the works. And I've got about a third going to be started soon. I'd like to write some short stories. I've been thinking doing an anthology of gay science fiction stories. I I've even thought about writing a semi autobiographical history of my life about some of the stuff I went through because of being gay and growing up and going through HIV and stuff, and kind of writing it as if it were somebody else. So I got a lot to write about. And I know that I can find the time to do that. I know I have the ability to sit down I did it while I was working. I wrote a whole novel. So now when I'm retired, I get up and have my cup of coffee sit down with my computer and away I go. So that's going to be a big part that's not going to create a hole that's going to help fill it there will not be any hole because I'm going to say you didn't do

Coach Maddox  14:31  
you know there's always an exception to all of my life I've heard the universe doesn't like a vacuum. You know and the examples always been Have you ever cleaned a space in a closet only to find out that it filled up almost immediately or have you ever cleared a space in your garage only to find out that it just filled immediately. We have to let go of the old to make space for the new now. Are there exceptions your dad created a you know Was there a hole when he left his job and retired and nothing came to fill that up. But that had a lot to do with him. He won't he you know, you have to be open. If you want the whole field, you got to be open. That almost sounds like we're talking about sex now. But you got to be open. You know, I think that you said am I going to make looking for love the the number one thing and you said no, absolutely not. I think that's great that you're not making that the number one thing. I just got to where I wasn't even looking. But I was open. You can you can be open and not be looking, you know, I let him find me. Yeah, I hate the daddy thing. I have no desire to be a daddy to anybody. I don't want to be a daddy financially, I don't want to be a daddy, emotionally. I don't you know, and, you know, most of my listeners know that my partner is 19 point something years younger than I am. He does not call me daddy, he does not look at me like I am a father figure or an older figure, a mentor. I don't look at him. Like he's like, you know, some somebody I'm mentoring or a son, we that energy is not present at all. We are equal partners, we started having conversation about that, like in the very beginning.

Grant Miller  16:30  
Yeah. For me, when you said, a developing a relationship with someone else, I think for me, the most important aspect for me, is making the relationship with myself. And I mean, we've talked about this many, many times about how you have to love yourself first before you go out there and love somebody else. Well, I've had a life of living and providing for everybody else, but never myself. And now I have that opportunity. Say, Hey, grim, you're gonna do some of the things that you've always wanted to do. And that's the exciting part.

Coach Maddox  17:04  
Really, so. And that will be the thing that will draw a man to you. That relationship, I can look back now with complete clarity and see that it was the work I put in with me the self love, I worked on my own relationship with me. That finally was the the determining factor that drew him to me. Yeah. Yeah.

Grant Miller  17:29  
So when I think about the future, rather than taking the negative aspects of well, okay, I don't have this and this and this. I did do one thing that my father did, and that was provide for myself. You know, I even though I didn't think I was going to be teaching for very long because of the HIV issue. I've managed to get to pensions. I have my retirement savings plan. And I've got a few other investments so I can retire. And I can retire at 61 and not 65. I don't have to wait. And I'm thinking, Well, why not do it now. And open up my world to something else. My dreams, I could sit here and talk about my dreams Mattox for the next hour. I've already planned two months in Costa Rica, where Finn, my dog and I are gonna go down together, we're going to find a villa somewhere a cottage and stay in Costa Rica for two months, and I can budget for that. I've never been to Costa Rica.

Coach Maddox  18:32  
I love Costa Rica, I've only been once but I spent 10 days there. And it was absolutely amazing. You will love it. It is beautiful. And it's just a friendly, wonderful place to be.

Grant Miller  18:45  
And I have so many wonderful friends that I've met. Even just recently, I mean, I've got friends in Australia, I've got friends in all over Europe. I want to go to Portugal and explore Portugal for a while. So there are so many places in the world that I want to visit, because I never took the opportunity because I was always in survival mode. And now this is a positive place to go. I can now do all the things that I wanted to do. I have to ask

Coach Maddox  19:13  
you, you've made these friends, you listed off a handful of friends. How did those friendships correlate with your relationship with you?

Grant Miller  19:23  
Well, I the first relationship I immediately go to is mine with yours. You know you and I have known for four years we've we've met online, I've actually been to your place and we spent a glorious four days of sharing and vulnerability. I've developed relationships with people who are open and where I can be open to and I can be the genuine who I am. I'm being authentic, like your podcast says

Coach Maddox  19:49  
you had to become that before those people showed up in your life.

Grant Miller  19:53  
Agreed 100%. And so what I'm finding is that the people that I do meet are now In that vein, they're the people that are authentic are the people who share, they're able to be vulnerable. And they welcomed me with open arms when I'm vulnerable. And that never happened with me before. It was always closed, I'm dealing with the husband, that is all, well, I don't want to even go there. It's just always been take care of this person, take care of for that person. Never show anybody who you really are. And so when you said, what kind of relationships Am I getting, I'm getting ones where I can be authentic. And they can see that, and they accept me for who I am. And they don't want to change me,

Coach Maddox  20:39  
you know, when we can step into vulnerability and demonstrate that openly, it sends the fake people running. It sends them a way, it is the most beautiful polarizer you know, it draws the right people to us. And it sends those phony fake people screaming and running in the opposite direction. And what a beautiful thing.

Grant Miller  21:00  
Yeah, yeah. You know, it's moving from the old things you said, sort of like, we've got a list of things that we did when we were younger. And as we replace some of those things with other things. Your outlet changes, like, let me give the example of my weightlifting, it was I have to go to the gym every day to achieve the goal that I have set for myself. Now, because of the injuries, I know back off, and I say, Well, okay, that big pressure is now gone, then all of a sudden, I free feel a lot freer to do other things. Because the outside aspect is no longer important to me. It's the inside aspect that is important. And so therefore, the need to go to the gym seven days a week is no longer there. All of a sudden, I feel free to do other things. Because that's not what I'm looking for. I'm not looking for validation from someone on how I look, it's who I am and how I act in front of other people.

Coach Maddox  22:06  
So I have a question. Yes, there's a little, little bit it's, it's, it's valuable and pertinent. But it's a little bit off topic just a little bit. You had, you've had several injuries. And can you look back now, prior to those injuries, I've always believed that the universe gets our attention in really miraculous ways. You know, it kind of looks like a tap on the shoulder first. And if you don't heed the tap on the shoulder, then it looks like being hit over the head with a two by four. And if you don't heed the two by four, then it looks like being hit by a freight train. Yeah. And oftentimes, we don't really get it until we're hit by the freight train, looking at the injuries that you sustained. Can you look back now? And perhaps that was the two by four perhaps that was the I mean, it couldn't be any of the three really, but can you look back and see that the universe was tapping you on the shoulder or giving you little hints that the intense workouts that you were doing, were not really serving you anymore, but you were so gung ho. And so I got to do this in order to track the man that you kept going until the universe just kept beating you up until it got your attention.

Grant Miller  23:34  
Well, quite frankly, not the universe bank me over the head several times. You know, when I was trying to please my ex husband, by taking massive amounts of steroids, I almost killed myself because I enlarged my heart. I had to go through therapy to reduce the size of my art back off the testosterone to what I should be taking, because of my age and because of my health, to where it's healthy. So that one hit me over the head. But yet I kept going, I kept going, and it still became something then I got the Achilles tendon tear, it was quite by accident. So I had to spend a year of therapy, physical therapy, getting through that. And through that entire year, I was just I gotta get to the gym, gotta get to get to the gym, gotta get to the gym. And so it wasn't until just before COVID When we started the courses online that I realized, you know, you do a lot of work on your outside, what are you doing for your insight. And so, here I am going through all the process of learning all this stuff. But yet the universe is still sending me the idea grant, you got to slow down, you got to change your outlook, you got to change the direction in which you're going. So when I had the Terran May my chest I was devastated. I looked at it. It's like well, my life is basically over because I don't have the access to the gym that I used to. I may never I might have it repaired. But I'll never be able to weight lift the way I did before. So is that a loss anymore? No, it's not it would have been if I hadn't done the work. I mean, the timing

Coach Maddox  25:16  
is kind of impeccable, isn't it, your work came in just and you got to where you needed to be just as the universe started to just beat you up to get you to stop abusing your physical body.

Grant Miller  25:29  
And now that I've done that, and I've released all that stress of having to do that my outlook on my retirement has changed as a result, I can travel anywhere I need to go or want to go and I don't have to worry about being at the gym, I can relax. I mean, I'm not going to be you know, one of those old senior citizens that sits on the on the veranda and knits. I'm going to be out there, I'm going to be doing the things that I never did when I was younger. And how I, if there's going to be any inheritance left of my money when I'm done, and they don't get anything, I'm sorry, but it's my time now. And I'm going to use that money so I can enjoy myself. And that's the fun part. And that's the exciting part for me, because I've never looked at that way before. So that's the big change in me.

Coach Maddox  26:20  
So kind of a long way. So you said something early on about or even maybe before we punch the record button, you said something about instead of making the best out of I don't remember how you worded it what the aging is happening. How did you word that?

Grant Miller  26:43  
I think it had something to do with Aging Gracefully, rather than just being dragged along. By age.

Coach Maddox  26:50  
I know sometimes we fight it tooth and nail.

Grant Miller  26:54  
And I mean, now that I know I have arthritis and thinking okay, well I can't do a shoulder press like I used to, but I can still get into the gym and do a light workout to keep myself limbered. I can still do cardio. I may be jumping off topic, but I I I adopted a border collie puppy last year he's been with me for now over a year. And he is a very active dog Border Collies love to go. And every day we go five kilometers walk. I'm sorry, I don't know what that is in miles. But five kilometers. It's two and a half there and two and a half back. He loves it. And I'm finding myself. Wow. This is as good as getting on the treadmill at the gym. You know,

Coach Maddox  27:40  
so better. Yeah, it's speeding. You're it's you know, you're with your dog on your in nature. It's fitting you in ways that you couldn't get fit on a treadmill.

Grant Miller  27:48  
Yeah, exactly. And speaking of the dog, I mean, he feels a big void. Dogs have this unconditional love that I missed when my last dog passed away during COVID. And to have that back now. Again, the old man old grant would have said, Well, look, Grant now you want to travel. But now you got a dog, you got to stay home more often. The new means saying you're gonna go places where Finn, the dog can go with you. I've already done the research, he can go to Costa Rica with me. So wherever I go, if it's going to be for expense extended periods, he's going with me. So he's not a barrier. He's a he's a bonus. Because when I am home, and he's home with me. Wow. It's an amazing experience.

Coach Maddox  28:37  
So you're taking your best friend with you on the road? Oh, you betcha. You betcha.

Grant Miller  28:41  
I can't wait. So Did that answer your question? Kind of like?

Coach Maddox  28:46  
Yeah, yes. You know, I think what I was trying to do, there was just to make a point that oftentimes, the university tries to steer us. And we resist, you know, and that's, I think, when we run into our biggest challenges in our trouble in life, you know, we're trying to guide us over here where we need to go and we're, we got to, you know, it's like that joke that people say, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plan. I'm not a religious person. So I just think it's funny, but, you know, ultimately, the universe is going to have its way and we can make ourselves miserable trying to insert our control. Or we can get on the beautiful Deleter job with a little drink and a little umbrella and the drink and ride down with the with the current and see the sights.

Grant Miller  29:45  
And so for people listening to the podcast, maybe they don't when they sit well, okay, what's the problem here grant? In the past, it was a problem for me now because I'm more open and Because of more authentically looking inside myself, I have the ability to look outwards and say, Well, here's the world here I come, take me as I am. And that is something incredibly different from the grant. Way back when, who was the closed in? Shy, make yourself as small as possible. So people don't notice you and don't really know who you are to the person. Hell, here I am. This is Grant welcome.

Coach Maddox  30:29  
Well, our conversation today is not about what's challenging you it's more about how beautifully you're navigating all this, you know, you're you're, you're like, even though you're not on the other side of it necessarily, you're not there yet you're you're still standing on on the the your your the lighthouse standing on the beach, that's putting guidance out there. For others, I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there will be people listening to this that will go wow, I never thought of it like that, you know, it's going to have an impact. Because you have come to this place where you got your own back. And you know, the oyster the world is your oyster. And you get to pivot and show up and be any man that you want to be.

Grant Miller  31:28  
And the biggest, thank you, I want to say to the world or whoever, the fates, the universe. Thank you for showing the way to change myself from that old me who felt the world you had to give the world everything, but never anything for yourself. And to come to that. I mean, I'm sitting here thinking Maddox, if the old me, were in my seat right now, what would I be doing? I'm not even going to go there. Because that's not what I would want to do. There's no way I would want to live like that anymore. And so I'm not even going to go there. Because if I did, I could talk to you for hours on negative things that would have happened, or were things that I would have thought about. So for me to be in a position of I will feel real reborn, if you would,

Coach Maddox  32:18  
now your energy is completely different.

Grant Miller  32:21  
Yeah. Yeah. And for the listeners out there, I'm no expert about aging. I'm just going through the process. But the process for me is, it's positive, not negative. And that's the biggest change for me. It's great. You already love yourself, and you love yourself every day now love life, and just go out there and do it. And like you said, he'll show up one of these days without showing up.

Coach Maddox  32:45  
Yeah, I think that process is a pretty intense transition. It was for me, but not in a negative way. I mean, there were some things that were tough. You know, I had a clientele that I had worked with, for many of them almost 30 years. And saying goodbye to so many people that I had developed a long term relationship with was really hard I went into, there was a hard grieving that went along with closing my salon and walking away from all that. But it it still, I don't know, I was I was not really, I didn't know what it was gonna like look like, but I wasn't afraid of it.

Grant Miller  33:31  
Well, I mean, on my side, as a teacher, I mean, one of the reasons excuse me why I wanted to be a teacher was to open up the world in the future in the possibilities for children, and show them the world and don't necessarily teach it to them say, this is what you got to do. Here's the possibilities for you to learn. And that passion and giving those possibilities to children has been a big aspect of my teaching. I mean, I've had children come up to me, that are now adults and say to me, you know, Mr. Miller, when when you taught me this, and this and this, I didn't like it, but boy, oh, boy. Now in my real world, I know what's important. And I knew that you did, too. And I thank you for that. And I go, wow. You know, I mean, I met my purpose as a teacher. And like your salon. I've done it for 30 years, and I've gotten so much out of it. But now I've got to take all that energy, and put it into myself and do all the things that I never had the time to do. And that's why I'm so excited.

Coach Maddox  34:36  
Yeah, you have every reason to be excited. It's going to be glorious. I love your lengthy trip with Ben to Costa Rica. And the

Grant Miller  34:44  
other point to hear about that, very definitely. So I think that's the whole situation for me. I mean, where it's going to turn out. I don't know. But you know what, you'll certainly know Maddox because I'll be in touch and I'll let you know where I'm going. What I'm doing so,

Coach Maddox  35:01  
absolutely, you know, I think that your your biggest message in all this is, you know, if you're in that place where you're experiencing aging and it's causing, you had to have to give some things up, like you've had to give up the intense work workouts at the gym and some of the the real strenuous physical stuff, you've had to kind of ease back on that. I think your words of wisdom are don't look at what you're giving up, or what you're losing, look at the opportunities that are being presented for you to gain something new and fresh.

Speaker 1  35:33  
Exactly, exactly.

Coach Maddox  35:36  
We can't, you know, I had a teacher many, many years ago, say to me, you can't, you can't walk up to the banquet table and tell you drop the handful of Waverly peanuts. But I love that, and it's left a lasting impact on me, I've never forgotten in order to walk up to the banquet table, you must drop the Waverly peanuts. And that's metaphorically can, you know, translate into lots of things that we need to let go of to have something magnificently better.

Grant Miller  36:16  
Yeah. And that's hence, the reason why I wanted to talk to you about this is that the glass half full, half empty, I'm looking at is the glass half full now, which I never used to do, the old me would look at it half empty. And that's been the big difference. And that's why I've made all these changes, because I'm doing it for myself. And I'm doing it. Because that's the right thing to do.

Coach Maddox  36:42  
Absolutely. And you're modeling that to everybody in your life. It's, you know, we don't realize sometimes everybody's watching us. True. You know, I mean, there's everybody's not and everybody is, and then everybody's not, but the people that count, you know, they're going to, they're going to notice the changes you've made, they're going to notice how gracefully you are transitioning. The whole world is just waiting for somebody to example to them to go first.

Grant Miller  37:13  
And, you know, Maddox, I know that things are gonna happen, you know, I could be injured somehow, or I mean, just, I'm just thinking possibilities. I mean, it's not necessarily going to happen. But, you know, should something happen that would prevent me from doing something else, I know, there will be always something else I could do as a result of that. So I'm not so concerned about what's going to happen down the road. I'm just gonna go out there, live it and let it happen. So I'm not worried about that anymore.

Coach Maddox  37:45  
It sounds like a plan to me. And it definitely I can hear the peace in your voice. And, you know, a lot of people as we enter into this, this transition of retirement that we're very, very anxious, and I'm not hearing that anxious energy at all.

Grant Miller  38:01  
No. And one of the reasons Maddox, just an aside here, as we wrap up, my mother, who is in a home, and she has been in a home for well over 20 years now. She had a fall, she broke her clavicle, and she broke her ankle. And it took two days to realize she had actually broken the ankle. And knowing that my mother has been there, and the things struggles that she's gone through. Mother never really had the opportunity to do what I'm doing now. She was the caregiver. She looked after everybody, including my father until he passed away. Mother never really had the opportunity to get out there and do the things that I'm about to do.

Coach Maddox  38:40  
She modeled that to you. And it's taken you a long time to figure out that that wasn't really a great model.

Grant Miller  38:46  
Yes, exactly. So bless her.

Coach Maddox  38:53  
What a great Jeremy though. Thank you What a great story. And anything else you'd like to impart on the listener before we sign off?

Grant Miller  39:03  
You know what I think it's all been said Maddox. Love yourself. Take care of yourself. And when you've done that, like RuPaul says, you'll be ready to love somebody else. And for me, is learning to love myself and love the life that I'm about to live. Yeah, you'll

Coach Maddox  39:21  
be ready to love someone else. But you'll also be ready to allow someone to love you. Exactly. back now and see if there were times in my life when I didn't allow someone to love me and I didn't realize I was doing that.

Grant Miller  39:38  
I mean, I totally get that. I totally get that

Coach Maddox  39:42  
because I didn't fully love myself. I didn't think I deserved the love of another.

Grant Miller  39:48  
So maybe maybe that's the wisdom balm is just opening yourself up to be loving yourself and allowing it to come to you. Maybe that's the the piece of wisdom that I want to Draw up on the on the listeners.

Coach Maddox  40:02  
Well, the way it came to me was in just a way that I could have never found could have never expected or Fathom and still pinch me that this really happened is going on. It's been a little over a year now we celebrated our first anniversary on October the fourth, and we just get more solid with each day.

Grant Miller  40:24  
Wow. That's because you're both open. You're both vulnerable. You share you communicate.

Coach Maddox  40:32  
That's that I first time to experience what you're describing right now my first time and I've been in multiple relationships, my first time to experience what I am experiencing this time. It's been phenomenal. It is phenomenal.

Grant Miller  40:44  
Fantastic. And it's gonna happen for me one of these days, too. I know.

Coach Maddox  40:48  
I am sure of that. I'm holding that I'm holding space for you. I very much I love you. And I would very much love for you to experience what I'm experiencing.

Grant Miller  40:59  
Thank you, Maddox. I love you dearly, too. You have been such an incredible inspiration to me. All the podcasts that you've put out, I've listened to every single one of them. And there hasn't been one that I haven't gotten something from.

Coach Maddox  41:13  
Yeah, I can go on record as saying hands down. I do believe that you are the biggest fan of the authentic gay man podcast to date.

Grant Miller  41:23  
Thank you. Thank you. This has been

Coach Maddox  41:25  
awesome. I'd really as always loved our conversation. And I know that it's been something that will have ripple effects out into the listeners for some time to come. So thank you so much for this.

Grant Miller  41:37  
My pleasure. I really enjoyed it.

Coach Maddox  41:40  
I always enjoy our conversations.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai